I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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