I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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