I will die if light touches me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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