This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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