sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
