My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
