things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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