never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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