I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
