Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
