in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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