New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
