I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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