just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize