dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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