My first STD was from a foam party
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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