super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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