Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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