I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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