So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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