i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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