i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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