after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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