it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
