i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
