the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
