so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
