Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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