dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
