oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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