Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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