About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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