Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
