Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
