i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
