Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
