Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
