mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
