i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
