if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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