Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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