I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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