she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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