whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
