dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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