just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bring me that man meat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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