maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
