YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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