Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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