I CAN MOONWALK!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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