Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
