dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let's get the cat blown out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
