Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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