I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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