i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
