I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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