Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
