morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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