when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
