Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
