I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
