My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
