I wish I could teleport
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
