Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if only i could text you this smell
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
