She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
