I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Randomize
