the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize