well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
