dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
