i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
