I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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