I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
