would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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