just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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