yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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